I can never think of a good title

OMG I am blogging again and within a week of the last time, well at least the same month, that is an accomplishment or it is procrastination. I am going to go with option #2.

So the unhappy place is still there, but I am trying to ignore it, maybe it will go away if i ignore it enough. One symptom of the unhappy place is that I try to go to the happy place by doing things like painting or practicing playing my flute. Basically anything but doing real work.

Oh and I have had a lot of cold medicine as I am trying to kill this cold that decided to appear yesterday. I think it is making me dizzy and kind of loopy.

Again with with random thoughts that have no order.... right the trying to get tot he happy place.

Painting, it makes me happy and I like what i paint for the most part, but i don't think they will amount to anything other than bright pictures to brighten up my apartment. I have had people tell me I am good and should sell them but i am not sure i could deal with the stress or the possibility of people saying my stuff sucks. i will stick with the painting for fun and relaxation and for friends.

Side rant: I also do not want to be one of those Art people who paint a canvas all one colour then put a black line down the middle and interpret it as symbolizing the fate of humanity or the meaning of why a raven is like a writing desk. Really! I do not feel the pain of the black paint as it drips down the canvas, or find the meaning of life in a red square on a white background (the answer is 42 but that is another story). It makes me angry just thinking about it, why can't i be rational with the ability to paint what I see and not try to find inner meanings in everything i do. Girrrrr

Ok ranting over, Sorry about that! So instead of writing a report this weekend i painted. I must get a handle on this habit of procrastination. It is great a the time of procrastinating but then i get all guilty afterwards. Oh well I guess that means i should stop writing right now....

Entering the unhappy place again

So it seems I may be entering into my unhappy place again. Longish periods of uncertainty tend to force me into that place. Once on that road to the bad place, I begin to examine my life so far and then compare it to family and friends' lives. Then I see that once again I am the slow one and always take the long road to accomplish anything. Why do I do things backwards, why am I so picky, why do I always try to do too many things at one time. Just a few of the many questions that bombard me with their soul crushing unhappiness.

I am a Happy person by and large. I laugh, make jokes and make a fool of my self on a regular basis. I love the little things like the smell of fresh baked bread, reading a silly book and double rainbows.

I always feel like I am 10 steps behind everyone else and it is frustrating.

all I have to say to that is Girrrrrrrr

the end of life as i know it

it was a very happy day and a very sad day, the day i found this website:

http://www.doctorwho-episodes.com/

yup i have no life, as this site has every doctor who episode ever.

all I can say is "yes, yes I am a nerd"

and that if you haven't heard from me in a while it is because I am watching doctor who.

I blame my parents! Love them bunches but really did you have to ensure that i would like science fiction.

books

so i am not like every other person. It would seem that I spend my saturdays learning how to bind book. yup that is right, I spend hours creating books with blank pages. I suppose i took the course to help with work, but they are so pretty. What is wrong with me, now really. i was born in the wrong time period it feels like sometimes. Then I think, really could I have stood being a second class citizen if i was born a few centuries ago. Hells no! I have issues now with being outspoken some times and having a mind. Really could I have been married young and not gone off to university or traveled to the places I have. I do not think I could have been content.

Wow that was a random tangent. Ok pictures of the books I have made:

Girrr

yup that is how i feel, Girrrrrrrr. I should be use to the fact that my life is in a constant state of flux, never living in one place long enough. I should just be use to the uncertainty of not knowing where i am going to be in 3 months. You would think, but no I am not use to it. I am not even remotely happy with the situation. I am happy that i get to travel and see my people that have scattered to the 4 corners of the globe, but I am not happy knowing that i will eventually have to leave again. Why do i do this to myself, really. Then there is the missing of my family, i don't know how I would have survived so far without the wonders of technology. Not being able to call up my mom on a whim, or chat with Justine when ever I want. To be able to send stupid texts to my sister or random crazy Internet links to Mat. To get random pictures of all of my nieces and nephews. Those are the things that get me through the day and give me the strength to continue on the mad journey that is the life I have chosen.

I know I sound miserable but if given the choice again, I would still choose the career that I have. What other profession gives you the opportunity to apply for jobs in the craziest of places.

One of these years something will manage to stop my crazy wanderings, I wonder what and where that will be.

So many things to say, too lazy to actually post them.

It is January 2010, how nutter is that.

This is the year I turn 30 and I so didn't think I would be where I am today 10 years ago, but I have learned to roll with it.

Updates:

New niece Emily

New nephew Mattaius

Almost new niece (marc and kathey's baby)

I am painting again (see attached pictures) which reminds me I need to go and buy more paint.

And I am going back to Ontario for the dreaded 30th birthday. I am going to celebrate with my peeps or most of them anyways as a lot of them are scattered all over the place. You will be missed.

ok picture time:

in order:

1) crazy 4 part picture for alison

2) the snowman I made today because the snow in Edmonton is finally wet enough to make one (I miss moisture)

3) painting that I have dubbed "Goats of the Serengeti"