Monday, 11 October 2010

I can never think of a good title

OMG I am blogging again and within a week of the last time, well at least the same month, that is an accomplishment or it is procrastination. I am going to go with option #2.

So the unhappy place is still there, but I am trying to ignore it, maybe it will go away if i ignore it enough. One symptom of the unhappy place is that I try to go to the happy place by doing things like painting or practicing playing my flute. Basically anything but doing real work.

Oh and I have had a lot of cold medicine as I am trying to kill this cold that decided to appear yesterday. I think it is making me dizzy and kind of loopy.

Again with with random thoughts that have no order.... right the trying to get tot he happy place.

Painting, it makes me happy and I like what i paint for the most part, but i don't think they will amount to anything other than bright pictures to brighten up my apartment. I have had people tell me I am good and should sell them but i am not sure i could deal with the stress or the possibility of people saying my stuff sucks. i will stick with the painting for fun and relaxation and for friends.

Side rant: I also do not want to be one of those Art people who paint a canvas all one colour then put a black line down the middle and interpret it as symbolizing the fate of humanity or the meaning of why a raven is like a writing desk. Really! I do not feel the pain of the black paint as it drips down the canvas, or find the meaning of life in a red square on a white background (the answer is 42 but that is another story). It makes me angry just thinking about it, why can't i be rational with the ability to paint what I see and not try to find inner meanings in everything i do. Girrrrr

Ok ranting over, Sorry about that! So instead of writing a report this weekend i painted. I must get a handle on this habit of procrastination. It is great a the time of procrastinating but then i get all guilty afterwards. Oh well I guess that means i should stop writing right now....

Monday, 4 October 2010

Entering the unhappy place again

So it seems I may be entering into my unhappy place again. Longish periods of uncertainty tend to force me into that place. Once on that road to the bad place, I begin to examine my life so far and then compare it to family and friends' lives. Then I see that once again I am the slow one and always take the long road to accomplish anything. Why do I do things backwards, why am I so picky, why do I always try to do too many things at one time. Just a few of the many questions that bombard me with their soul crushing unhappiness.
I am a Happy person by and large. I laugh, make jokes and make a fool of my self on a regular basis. I love the little things like the smell of fresh baked bread, reading a silly book and double rainbows.
I always feel like I am 10 steps behind everyone else and it is frustrating.

all I have to say to that is Girrrrrrrr