Friday, 8 February 2013

I Feel Too Much/Perception

Perception, they way we see things, the way we understand things, the way we interpret the way the world and all beings in it work and interact. One person’s way of thinking about things can be very different and or opposite to the way another thinks about things. Most people know this and understand that there are many ways of looking at things and understanding things. The thing is emotions and feelings (the terrible creatures that they are), can cause so much joy and sadness in my life and it all about how you look at and perceive things.

I have this (wonderful?) talent where I am able to look at multiple sides of a situation and am able to understand those different points of view. I may not agree with most of them but I can totally understand where they are coming from and possibly why they think the way they do. I can perceive what a lot of people don’t, which isn’t to say that I see and perceive everything. I too have my moments where I am completely oblivious to everything around me. But when I put my mind to it, I can logically think through most situations from very different perspectives. It is just the way I am and I have had to deal with the consequences of this ability. I have had many people get very angry with me, because I ask the hard questions, I question everything and play the devil’s advocate and present the alternatives as options. I want to know as many of the facts of things before I decide to take a side, this tends to makes me seem undeceive. Which let’s face it, we all have those moments where we totally don’t want to make a decision. This is not to say that I never make spur of the moment or rash decisions. Far from it! I make life altering decision at the drop of a hat:

Want to drop out of school and move to Belgium for a year to be a nanny? Sure!

Go and live in a tent for a month in a camp ground in May? Done!

Move to Alberta with less than 2 weeks’ notice? I am there!

Quit all 3 jobs at one time with no prospects of another job any time soon? Yes Please!

Teach someone to steer a canoe in about 10 minutes then let them run a set of rapids with them steering and me sitting in the front without a care in the world? Done and Done!

Hop in a car with no destination in mind and end up half way across the country? Always!

There are many other decisions that I have made without a second thought or any thought at all for that matter. There are many more decisions that just happen, and maybe one day they will make it into one of my stories, but not today...

I do not regret any of those spur of the moment decisions and can safely say that I am happy to have made almost all of them with some very rare exceptions, but from which I have learned a lot about who and what I am.

But that leads me back to the fact that I have this perception of the way I look at the world and I find that I feel too much and I care more than I should. I have this habit of taking on what others around me are feeling. This then leads me to make those rash and epic decisions or it causes me to think about all the possible outcomes and I am then perceived as cold and distant and uncaring. Which is completely opposite of what is actually going on inside me.

There are days where I wonder who I would be or where I would be if I was able to switch off that part of me that feels too much. Would I be more content with life? Would I be less restless? But then I know I am the way I am and there is nothing that is going to change that and that it really does not matter that I feel and care too much. This is who I am and people need to start getting it!

I am getting tired of people always questioning my motives and telling me that I cannot be a real person if I feel and care as much as I do. They tell me that no one can be that tuned into people, or be able to see most sides of the situation. Thanks! I love being told I am not human or that I cannot exist.

Umm I am human and I do exist, well the last time I checked I was and did. And so onwards and upwards! Another adventure is waiting for me to make another rash decision or another situation is about to be created where it requires me to see all sides of the story.... Yes I am a big ball of contradictions... welcome to my life!

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