What is Friendship?
Really I have been struggling over the meaning of what it is to be someone's friend.
Definition of FRIENDSHIP from the Merriam - Webster dictionary
1: the state of being friends
2: the quality or state of being friendly : friendliness
Definition of FRIEND
1: one attached to another by affection or esteem
2: a favored companion
These definitions all make it out to seem that friends and friendship are good things. So why do people throw away friendships?
Friendships like any relationship needs to be balanced and when that balance is missing can you really call what you have as a friendship?
I get that people are shy and maybe not so good are starting conversations, but if you really do care for your friends and want them to continue to be your friend then you need to put a little effort into the friendship.
Lately I have been feeling that a lot of my so called friendships are all becoming one sided. I put an exponentially large amount of effort in to maintaining them despite the distance barriers, and what do I get back?
Silence and indifference.
I am Tired!
I can only give so much of myself before there is nothing of me left for me. It is not that I want to give up on anyone or any friendship, but really is it too much to ask that people who I believe are friends, show some effort that they still want me in their lives?
People tell me they love it that I randomly contact them, well what is wrong with people reciprocating and randomly contacting me. Why it is always me who has to start the conversation or contact people?
Contrary to popular belief, I too can be shy and unsure, but I had to learn to just let go and not care if I made a fool of myself and get conversations started. I force myself to keep in contact with people, because people make me happy for the most part. I like talking to people and having conversations and sharing stupid jokes and laughing. It is way more fun to laugh with people than laughing alone.
If left to my own devices I would stay at home alone all of the time. I don't mind meeting new people, actually I enjoy it, but it is a lot of effort and work and it feels like I am starting from scratch every time. There are times when I just want to talk to people who actually know me and my past and I don't have to be on my guard and sensor who and what I am because they already know how to deal with my kind of crazy and in theory I won't scare them off. Like in the case of meeting new people, you have to ease them into the awesomeness that is me :)
There is only so much of me to go around and if I am expending all of my energy on people who do not value my time and effort or for that matter value ME, I have to ask myself, is this really a friendship?
Am I asking too much of people? Should I go back to being a hermit/recluse? Should I just give up on people? Am I being selfish and asking too much of people?
So many questions, and not enough answers....
Edit: This little rant is not directed at everyone, and sadly the people it is most directed at probably won't see it ever, as it would appear they either do not know of the existantce of this blog or don't care enough to bother to even read it. Either way it was not my intention to offend.